The Quibbler
by whatitdobootydoo
Summary: Auron from Final Fantasy X Dead and Unsent.......for this and other stories, look inside.
1. Prologue

Summary: The unusual magazine has an unusual start...  
  
Author's Note: Well, I just thought of this so if anyone else has written a Quibbler, I'm sorry, but...this one's better!!! Promised Humor, please give it a shot and REVIEW!

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Prologue  
  
"I'm bored again!" whined Sirius for what seemed like the billionth time. Remus threw a magazine at him.  
  
"Read that, it might be interesting."  
  
Sirius made a face and took it. He opened it up to the first page, read about one word and threw it back. "Rubbish, nothing interesting." He said defiantly.  
  
"There is no article in there that's rubbish," snapped Remus. "Besides, you didn't even read it."  
  
"So?" Lupin shook his head.  
  
"Come on now guys," said James, looking up from his copy of Quidditch: A History of Quarrels. "Ever since people stopped reading our advice column **(which they didn't want to...grrr)** it's been boring. What we need is something new to entertain ourselves with."  
  
"Well, nothing in that magazine is entertaining." Said Sirius, who folded his arms over his chest.  
  
"Then read a different one." Peter suggested timidly from his bed.  
  
"Naw, ya think?" Sirius said sarcastically. "But the problem is there aren't any magazines like...." An odd expression suddenly appeared on his face, as if something had finally dawned on him. He smacked himself on the forehead before cracking into a mischievous grin.  
  
"Uh-oh." Remus said worriedly. The expression was far too familiar. There was an alarm going off in America right now, far away in FBI Headquarters.  
  
James sat up. "What are you thinking Padfoot?"  
  
Sirius shifted on the floor. "Well, let's write our own magazine!"  
  
The other Marauders stared.  
  
"BRILLIANT!" said James, hopping off his bed. "That's just brilliant!"  
  
"But what would it be about?" asked Lupin, who couldn't help being interested. "We could do recent events, important points and-"  
  
"Moony, Moony, Moony, Loony Moony," said Sirius, clicking his tongue and shaking his head. "There's only one thing going in _The Quibbler_."  
  
"_The Quibbler_?"  
  
"Yeah, brilliant isn't it?" Sirius swelled.  
  
"No." said Peter.  
  
"Oh, be quite!" Sirius snapped.  
  
"Okay, well exactly what is going to go in this _Quibbler_?" asked James. At this, Sirius cracked into his maniacal grin again.  
  
"Rubbish."

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Well, there won't be any more Marauder conversations from now on; it will only be editions of the Quibbler! I'm hoping this will make up for taking away Merciful Marauder's Advice Column, so REVIEW please!! I'll update everyday if I get enough reviews that I'm satisfied!!! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! 


	2. First Edition, Part One

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_**The Quibbler**_

_First Edition, Part One_

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**Irish Quidditch Team Found With Questionable Mammals p.1**

**Owner of Flourish & Blotts Charged With Having Centaur Servents**** p.2**

**Timmy the Troll Astounds Professors p.4**

**Man Attacked By A Woozle p.6**

****

Quibbler Creature Advice p.7

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**p.1**

**Irish Quidditch Team Found With Questionable Mammals **

Everyone knows that the Irish Quidditch team has the best chasers. They're talented, they're a team and they wouldn't do anything against the rules.

_OR WOULD THEY?_

At the last Quidditch match against Romania something horrible was discovered. Romanian chaser, Reno Dominick was fouled by a rabid chinchilla that flew from the broom of Irish chaser, Greg Troy. Dominick sustained mild injuries but a recent test has discovered that the chinchilla in question, was in fact rabid.

"He could have been seriously hurt," says Ruby Hendal, who witnessed the whole thing. "I have always supported Romania and have always been suspicious of the Irish. The Ministry of Magic should step in and see that the Irish are no longer allowed to have a team. I am extremely disturbed that the referee did not do his usual rabid mammal check and I will be writing a letter of extreme disappointment to the head of Magical Games and Sports."

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**p.2**

**Owner of Flourish & Blotts Charged With Having Centaur Servents**

Flourish & Blotts is the nice little wizading book store in Diagon Alley. They supply mostly Hogwarts students with every book they need for the school year. No one would think that they were doing anything slightly wrong.

_OR WERE THEY?_

Regeus Romaldin, the owner of the wizarding shop, was discovered with a centaur employe in the back of his shop. The centaur in question was clearly under the Imperious Curse. Ms. Fieona Pollen from the Magical Creature's Rigths Society was on the scene immediatly.

"It is clearly written in our pledge that we will not let the Ministry abuse and mis-use magical creatures." she says as she looks at the poor centaur. "I can not imagine who would capture a defenseless centaur and make such a small brained animal work in a book shop. I am hoping that people will stand up for the poor centaur's rights and that Mr. Romaldin will be taken away by the Dementors to Azkaban for such a sick crime."

Mr. Romaldin is currently being interogated by the Ministry and his sentence will be confirmed any day now.

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Well, the other stories will be in the next chapter because I want REVIEWS FIRST! Hope you enjoyed this. These are probably the least humorous of the the others. Once again, REVIEW!!!


	3. First Edition, Part Two

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_**The Quibbler**_

_First Edition, Part Two_

**Irish Quidditch Team Found With Questionable Mammals p.1**

**Owner of Flourish & Blotts Charged With Having Centaur Servants p.2**

**Timmy The Troll Astounds Professors p.4**

**Man Attacked By A Woozle p.6**

**Quibbler Creature Advice p.7**

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**p. 4**

**Timmy the Troll Astounds Professors**

Trolls are regarded to be the most stupid creatures on earth. They are gross, dumb and couldn't possibly do crosswords.

_OR COULD THEY?_

Timmy the troll was being tested by wizards the other day in Fulman's Troll Research Center and was found to know the answer to a crossword puzzle.

"I was juts standing there with him and I said to myslef, what's a three letter word for gross?" says Donald Ball, head of the center. "And he answered 'ugh', I was astounded."

The head brought in his other emplyees immediately. They found that Timmy could also say 'grr', 'err' and 'parakeet'.

"This information is extremely helpful," one wizard comments. "This is surly a breakthrough for our center and for the research and understanding for trolls."

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**p.6**

**Man Attacked By A Woozle**

Billy Crystal was an ordinary man. He went for a walk in the woods and didn't come back. He said he was going for Ice Cream.

_BUT WAS HE?_

Crystal was reported to be breeding an extremely rare and dangerous breed of Woozle. His wife, Mary comments on his death.

"I never dreamed he was doing such a thing!" she says. "I lost my husband to a Woozle and now I'm a widow. Surly he was under a curse or something. I just don't see him breeding Woozles. I will be reporting that your magazine has inflated his death story and I will make sure it goes down!"

For information of Mary's Hephalump affair, turn to page 9.

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**p.7**

**Quibbler Creature Advice**

**This Month's Creature: Boggarts**

To make sure your boggart is healty and happy, be sure to feed it Sugar Quills and Tootsie Rolls.

To make your boggart more comfortable, place a stuffed kitten in his quarters.

To remove your boggart, simply throw it in a large Hefty Bag and place in the trash can.

This has been Melendia Olive Oliva Nika Yunts with Quibbler Creature Advice.

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**Quibbler Riddle of the Month:**

I can be as big as a house,  
or as small as a mouse,  
I weigh nothing,  
yet a thousand men could not lift me.  
  
**What am I?**

Owl us the answer and you will recieve a pair of Jimi Hendrix's socks.

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**Quibbler Credits**

**Reporters:** Percy Ronald Oliver Nanson Grunt Stump & Samuel Icachabod Renul Ingnatious Ulbar Scrats

**Creature Advice:** Melendia Olive Oliva Nika Yunts

**Riddles & Games: **Paul Ethen Theodore Eric Riggins

Be sure to check out next month's edition.

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Hehehehehe a little obvious I think but that's okay. Bad grammar in the troll story was intended. Well, if you know the answer to the riddle go ahead and say it, I already know it (duh) I hope you enjoyed this chapter, REVIEW!!!!

**FAQs**

You'll see how the Quibbler gets to the Lovegoods.

Also there will be a Fan Mail section in the next one.

And as for Jennifer, it's all up here (taps forehead)

Which reminds me, I have to sleep on some new funny ideas....it would be way eaiser if this were like a school paper, but other people will start reading it too....surprisingly.Anyway, **REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW OR YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE NEXT EDITION FOR A MONTH!!! WHAHAHAHA! **I could be tomorrow, it's up to you people and wether you keep me happy. :)


	4. Second Edition, Part One

* * *

_**The Quibbler**_

_Second Edition, Part One_

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**Auron From _Final Fantasy X_ Dead and Unsent p.1**

**Muggle Boy Beaten With Ugly Stick p. 3**

**Tacky Shorts Maul Witches p.5**

**Muggle Writer Becomes Addicted To Video Game p.6**

****

**Quibbler Creature Advice p.7**

**

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**

**p.1**

**Auron From _Final Fantasy X_ Dead and Unsent**

In a story relating to the one on page six, only people who have played the Muggle Final Fantasy games will know what we are talking about.

Auron is headstrong, wise, and has a natural ass-kicking ability. 10 years have passed since he guarded his friend Braska on his pilgrimage. He was sad, broken, but still remained to fufil a promise to old friends. Nothing could have changed in 10 years.

**_OR COULD IT?_**

Recent reports have shown that a number of people do not even pay attention to the game, but those who do, have some surprising news.

"Yups, he's dead alright." Says player Tina Pitt. "He wouldn't go into the Farplane, people keep making remarks about him healing so quickly, and plus, he knows EVERYTHING! Dead people know everything! But no one will believe me!"

For more on the addictive game, turn to page six.

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**p. 3**

**Muggle Boy Beaten With Ugly Stick**

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Dillion. Now, Dillion was like all the other guys, stupid, could only focus on one thing and loves dumb blondes. Dillion was normal alright.

**_OR WAS HE?_**

People who are not on the Muggle drug called 'crack' insist that this boy had a run-in with a very large ugly stick who beat him.

"JUST LOOK AT HIM!" screams Pittina, Dillion's girlfriend's best friend. "Lauren and Kristen are out of their minds! His face is out of proportion and he's in Special Ed! OH, somebody MUST have hexed these two!"

For more on Ugly Beating, refer to our Creature Guide

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Well, you guessed it, I'm the one who is addicted to Final Fantasy X.....it's such a cool game!!!! Right now, I'm training to fight Lady Yunalesca, who might I add, is in fact, a bitch. But anway, I strayed from it long enough to update so **REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR I will summon Lunor!!! (**bahamut) ((That's pronounced LU-NWOR))

REVIEW YE PANSIES!!


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